tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

LAST POST!

2007-08-31T20:34:00.000-04:00

I'm moving! This is my last post at this address.

Please update your blogreaders, blogrolls, etc to: missrancher.com!

See you on the flip side!!

The Standing Eyes of Feist

2007-08-30T20:06:00.000-04:00

Faithful readers may recall how Aaron is very soothing and animals love him.

Being a well-rounded person, he also has a not-so-soothing-rile-you-up side. He is Master of the Feist.

Amelia and Joe have a lovely chocolate lab, Abby. She's a pretty chill dog, likes to sleep a lot, likes to snuggle with you. She does like to play and can get kind of wild, if you let her. Joe can work her up into a writhing, jumping, barking mess. But she calms down pretty quickly.

But for some reason, Aaron can feist this dog like no one's business!

One time he walked from the kitchen to the edge of the living room, and Abby was snoozing at the other end of the living room. As he stood there, not saying anything, not doing anything, just looking at the dog, she was instantly taken hold of by the Standing Eyes of Feist. She jumped up, tail wagging madly, making some noise a combination between a bark and a moan (yes, this dog could moan) and ran full speed at him.

He stood there, completely still, and as soon as she reached him, she turned on a dime and tore off to the other side of the room. Back and forth she ran at full speed, barking, moaning, practically frothing at the mouth.

Any why? Only the Master of the Feist knows.

Of course, now he wants a chocolate lab of his own. I just hope he can control the Feist at least until the dog is fully trained.

The Denver Adventure

2007-08-29T20:43:00.000-04:00

Aaron and I went to Denver for five days to visit his sister and family, and to see if Denver is a place where we truly want to move.

I believe the answer is, "Hell yes!"

Just the proximity of the mountains and the cost of a three car garage house are enough to outweigh any negatives. We went on two hikes, one of which visited three lakes and went up to 11,000 feet. I kept pointing out areas where I wanted to build a log cabin and live off the land.

It was really nice to see Amelia, Joe and the kids as well. Aaron knows how to rile up both children and dogs, we've learned. And he also now wants a chocolate lab - fine by me!

I believe the plan is to get asses in gear and be rid of the ties that bind us to this area, get the house ready to sell and on the market a year from now.

As I was going to work this morning, I was wondering if I would have flashes of regret - you know when you want something really badly, and then finally, suddenly it comes within reach and then you pull back wondering, wait, did I really want this??? Yeah, I had none of that. I am so ready to leave.

Dreamland

2007-08-21T14:01:00.001-04:00

I believe what my dream last night shows is that I read too much sci fi, I have loyal friends, and I am addicted to my Crackberry. And Aaron is totally justified in calling me AlphaGeek.

Check it out.

The dream starts off with Aaron dropping me off at work in his truck. We work in the same place, but it was huge, and reminded me of the Ministry of Magic, because he worked in some separate building I could never get to and it was all protected somehow. We ended up taking so long to say goodbye to each other that some old lady standing there thought he was a cab, and got in after I got out. As he drove away, I thought, Well, I'm sure he'll drop her off somewhere before he gets to work.

Then whoosh I am at work, but it's not really work, more like school, because I was there with Amy and Molly, and our Wizard instructor was going over some mistakes we all had made and at first I was all, Whew, I didn't screw up this time because he was bitching out other people. But then he got all angry (and he was just a voice, too - some far away Wizard God. Hey, I'm reading The Dark Elf Trilogy right now. Sue me.) and got mad at me for using the equivalent of and Unforgiveable Curse or something - and I was all, Hey you can't get mad at ME for that! I didn't know it was illegal or that destructive. This is YOUR failing as a teacher for not adequately teaching me boundaries and how to control my shit!

Well that didn't go over well, and he gave me some puzzle book I had to complete within the alloted time (I told you those Saw movies haunted me!) or I would be destroyed by some spell. So at first, Amy, being all a good friend and such, starts reading the book and doing the first puzzle, and for a second I'm all with her and we're hunting down the answer - and then I'm like, Wait, this is dumb. He obviously didn't give us enough time to solve this, so let's just get the hell out of here!

As if a) they were going to go down with me and b) the spell could only reach that room, or something. This part has fuzzy logic, but whatever, it's a dream.

So then we start running and I'm running down the hall, down the stairs, trying to figure out where to go (and I don't run down the stairs, I slide down the bannister, ha) and I realize Aaron is insulated somehow in his Other Work Area, so I'm like, we gotta LEAVE. Although I left my purse upstairs, d'oh!! So I run back upstairs and there's Amy (or maybe Molly) with my purse in hand, coming to get me. Ah, good catch, girls!

So then we continue out the building. There was a blind (maybe?) guy with a black dog, and I stop to pet the dog. In doing so I realize I cannot go LEFT, we must go RIGHT!

So we hang a right and start running, and get lost in some neighborhood. We're sort of going in and out of houses, and getting lost, and then I have an epiphany - I have my purse so therefore I have my Blackberry which I just installed Google Maps on! So I bust it out and zoom in, zoom in, zoom in......it still takes forever to render, what is UP with that, and then finally! Just at the end of this street and take a left and boom! there is the train station!

Ok so we get to the train station and I decide we are going to Paris. We must have been in London or something. So we get to the ticket counter and I'm trying to be all calm, like some angry Wizard is NOT about to kill me, if he can find me, and ask for three tickets to Paris. Amy and Molly are like, Why Paris? And I'm like, Why not? Let's just GO.

So the tickets are 300 pounds each (see this is how I know we're in London, it wasn't in Euros) and I don't have enough cash so I ask to borrow some so they can't track my by my credit card usage (I watch a lot of Law & Order, too). But then Molly doesn't have enough cash so I say, F it! They'll be able to track Molly anyway so I might as well just pay by credit card. So I get on the phone to my credit card company, saying I'm abroad and need to talk to the Fraud Department so my card doesn't get denied for suspicious activity.

We now have six minutes to make the train.

While I'm on hold, I ask the ticket counter guy how much First Class is. 1500 pounds! No way! So we go ahead and get the economy class tickets.

We start booking it to the train and we're running in slow motion, and there's all these people in the way, and is our train gone? We hear announcements but can't hear quite what they are saying....and finally we make it to the train!!

We get on, and I wake up.

QOTD

2007-08-21T13:56:00.000-04:00

A friend, after discussing how I dreamed about using Google Maps on my Blackberry:

"I know. Google maps is like a really good lover somedays."

Zug

2007-08-20T09:26:00.000-04:00

Ah it still makes me laugh even after joining the dark side...

http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=51302

Teh Crack

2007-08-19T10:57:00.000-04:00

Ok so I got a Blackberry, yes I am one of those people now. But what, you ask, is the first thing I configured on it? Did I download a ring tone? Install Bookwarm? Get a new browser? (Well I did get Opera Mini but I did that second).

No, none of those: I deleted the stupid signature.

Yes, people, you can delete it! Or even, and I know this is out there, change it to say something other than, "This has been sent using my Blackberry device."

Because really, how annoying is that?

Crackberry

2007-08-18T12:14:00.000-04:00

This is a test post from my new Blackberry. It's much easier to type on than I thought it would be. I still hate Verizon but the phone is cool!

In sickness and in health

2007-08-17T12:33:00.000-04:00

Aaron's recovery is coming along well - physical therapy is a bit painful, but doesn't seem too bad. I think he's really sick of being dependent on me though.

He still can't shower by himself, and superficially this seems great. Every time I wash his hair he gets a mini head massage, spa style. He gets his back scrubbed. And then there's me naked, of course. But there's also the fact that he has to rely on my schedule. If he wants to shower while I'm cooking dinner, too bad! He can no longer sleep in for 20 minutes while I shower and get dressed, and then shower while I make breakfast. Now he's up with me and does his exercises while I cook.

It's a loss of independence, and the not being able to drive thing really sucks. For both of us!

He does get out of his household chores, although he tries to help me with the garbage now and again, which I appreciate, but I would prefer him to just heal!

For me, it's the equivalent of living alone, when I had to do everything myself anyway. Of course there's twice as much to do now...and two cats to clean up after! It's like having an extended stay house guest, really. I no longer stress over how much the garbage is overflowing, and when it's going to get emptied, because it's only my fault if it's too full. So I can get off my ass and empty it, or shut the hell up about it. It's almost less stressful now......

Still, I hope he doesn't get too used to it - when he's able-bodied again, I hope he doesn't expect he can still sit on the couch while I do all the cleaning!

And I must say, I'm really looking forward to having a designated driver again!

Reborn

2007-08-15T07:44:00.000-04:00

I awoke this morning feeling like I had finally slept for the first time in months.

For awhile now I have been dealing with some toxic people in my life, letting them affect me, and finally taking steps to remedy the situation. I guess it had been bringing me down more than I thought it had - even bleeding into other parts of my life, unfairly coloring my interpretations of other people and events. Not good.

And last night, it was like the fever broke. Like he always does, Aaron healed me. He gives me a warm safe haven and all the toxicity in my life gets washed away. And when it was gone, I could finally, truly rest.

When I was kissing Aaron goodbye this morning, I told him in his half-asleep daze that I had finally gotten a great night's sleep last night - even though it was only 6 hours, I felt better than I do after sleeping in on weekends. He said he knew - he was in bed playing his PSP and could tell I was sleeping well.

And after I woke up this morning, I thought, Is this how everyone normally feels? Is this what life is really like?

Imagine what that would be like. To feel this good all the time.

I'm not sure how I would handle that.

Motorcycle Princess

2007-08-14T22:46:00.000-04:00

Some of you may recall this post, wherein Gilberto nicknamed me Motorcycle Princess. I do love nicknames. (And no, I never actually bought a bike, but I do have my license!)

At any rate, Gilberto is a musician and just put a cd up for sale.

He showed me the set list.

Song 10?

It's called: Motorcycle Princess

Color me flabbergasted!! And honored.

Now go check out his cd!!!

Weekend Highlights

2007-08-13T17:40:00.000-04:00

I went out to a 'club' on Friday night for the first time in about two years, for Amy's birthday - Aaron got a pass due to his sling. And oddly enough, we went to the same club that we went to two years ago for Amy's birthday. I guess she likes the place!

Anyway Amy and I got there early, because we're old, and got a seat at the bar along with the ten other people who were there. I asked the bartender to make me something with Malibu since it tastes good and I'm convinced it has no alcohol in it, and I didn't want to deal with a hangover.

Hey, I said I was old!

So the bartender made this random concoction and it was really good! Malibu, cranberry, sour, something else....and he hadn't named it. So in a moment of inspiration, I named it for him: The Pink Pleasure. I'm sure it's not the first drink I've named in my life, but I think it may be the best tasting one!

Now, if you're going to go out dancing at a club without your husband, take a tip from me and go with a gay guy. And his boyfriend. You will have so much fun.

Aflac is just adorable, as is his boyfriend G. They are so freaking cute together. But since we weren't at a gay club, they didn't really act like a couple. I'll say it although it should be obvious, they are both great dancers.

So Amy and I are dancing in a tight circle with Aflac and G, having a blast. At one point there was a shady, middle aged, ugly man trying to get up on me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, but Aflac was already on it. The guy even tapped Aflac on the shoulder to get him to move out of the way so he could dance with me! Of course Aflac stood his ground. The next thing I knew, Aflac's head is around my waist level - he dropped down to the ground and was dancing all up on me! I see the creepy guy move away and then Aflac says to me, "I did that so he'd know exactly where he stood with you."

You gotta love that.

I much prefer dancing with my husband, but if I do end up at a club without him, my second choice for a dancing partner is a gay guy.

Good food

2007-08-12T18:14:00.000-04:00

Restaurant Week came to a close this weekend, and we intended to take full advantage of it by hitting Sam and Harry's with IA and McHub. We got all dressed up to the nines, and Aaron even left his sling at home (with the doc's ok, of course). We finally got to see the inside of IA and McHub's apartment, and had some really good brie and wine as our pre-game.

McHub graciously drove to the restaurant, which we found with little difficulty and even managed to find some decent street parking.

Our waitress was great - very friendly and really knew her stuff. Unfortunately for our wallets, none of us ended up ordering from the restaurant week menu. I had some amazing pinot noir, which, along with the creme brulee, was the highlight for me. Aaron's calamari was very good, but I could have done without the crab and red pepper soup.

My filet mignon was cooked perfectly, although not seasoned at all. McHub had some decadent version of the filet - bone in, with a stilton crust. Delish! IA's crabcakes looked great but I was too full to taste them. Aaron had a NY Strip au poivre which was good, and he'll be eating the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I'm guessing he will say the red potatoes were his highlight - they were made with jalapenos, so how can you go wrong?

It was way more expensive that we intended it to be, but it was worth it to get dressed up and treat ourselves and have some great conversation with great friends!

Six Months!

2007-08-10T07:51:00.000-04:00

Happy Six Month Anniversary to us!

Six months ago today we were standing on a beach in Mexico, pledging our lives together in front of our family and friends. And then partying all night!

It almost seems like yesterday, and yet it seems like forever ago. All I know for sure is that this is by far the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I can only see it getting better from here.

Unfortunately we aren't celebrating tonight, as it's Amy's birthday and I'm going out dancing with her. Aaron gets to stay home due to his sling - so I guess that's sort of a present! Happy Anniversary, honey! I love you!

Bunny Dip

2007-08-10T07:43:00.000-04:00

As I was walking back from the coffee shop this morning, I was walking behind a man with his daughter. He was holding a coffee in his left hand, and she was walking on his right side.

Now, he was a short man - maybe a little shorter than me - and his daughter was a toddler, so pretty close to the ground.

The noise of some road construction scared her, and she wanted to be picked up. So, he bent at the knees until his ass was almost touching the ground, scooped his arm under her butt and picked her up, not spilling the coffee at all.

Thinking back on it now, it reminds me somewhat of the 'bunny dip' that the waitresses at the Playboy club have to learn how to do to serve drinks.

Anyway, I thought the fact that he was so short aided him a bit in this squat-and-scoop move.

And I started thinking about Aaron, who is super tall, having to do the same move to pick up our kid. Would he spill the coffee (or, realistically, Red Bull)? Would his long legs hamper him at all?

And then I remembered - Aaron is the Bite the Bag champ! He can bend over at the waist and pick a piece of paper off the floor with his teeth without supporting himself with his hands! Of course he will be able to pick the kid up without spilling the drink!

It's funny how party games you play when you drink can train you for events later in life.

Ciao

2007-08-08T12:56:00.001-04:00

I'm what you might call overwhelmed with excitement right now.

I just booked us on a non-stop round trip flight to Rome in November! I have never been to Rome, and Aaron has never been to Europe. I absolutely adore Italy - ah, the wine! the cheese! the yogurt! the leather goods!

We are going to go to Florence for a few days and spend the remaining time in Rome. Maybe a day trip or two to the Cinque Terre or the countryside outside Florence.

I need to go to the bookstore and peruse all the travel books and find out where to stay and plan our itinerary. How exciting!!!

It's a looooong flight though, which I know Aaron is not looking forward to since we're flying coach and he's 6'3". Hopefully we'll get some valium from his doctor before the trip. That will help things!

Ah! I'm so excited to be going to one of my favorite places with the love of my life. When I went to Italy the first time, it was in the very beginning of our relationship and I went without him - and that was so bittersweet because the whole time I was there I was wishing he was there too.

And now he will be! Ah, life is good.

A good surprise ruined

2007-08-06T18:57:00.000-04:00

By now we all know that Aaron is an introvert. This means he doesn't have a ton of passing acquaintances. He doesn't feel the need to have people around him all the time - in fact he prefers to be alone most of the time, because small talk drains his energy so much. So when he does made a friend whom he actively seeks out being around, this is A Big Deal. (At least to me.)

Another thing we all know is that Aaron is not big on the planning of events. I'll have to look back and see if I ever shared the story of When Are We Leaving For Our Wedding?!? At any rate, I am the event coordinator, and he just shows up at the appointed hour. And he has veto power.

So, imagine my delight when Aaron met McHub and claimed him as a friend! We are no longer dealing with the 'Michelle's friend and her husband' scenario or even the 'Michelle's friend and her other friend' scenario. It appears to me that Aaron and McHub are friends in and of their own right!!

It helps that McHub likes football and gives Aaron someone to talk smack with (smack talk with? I don't know....). This common interest leads us to our latest snafu. During an unsupervised moment of conversation, McHub mentioned that the Redskins were playing the Bills in December, and how great would it be to go to that game.

Several weeks later, Aaron did something truly surprising; he suggested and planned an outing for the four of us! I had no part in this! IA had no part in this! Aaron took it upon himself to look up the date of the game and see if we could get reasonably priced tickets for us.

So he gathered up the details and sent an email off. Himself!

Fantastic, no? A miracle, yes? Of course! It's wonderful! McHub is thrilled! We're going to have fun!

Until I get an IM from IA the next day....

You know Aaron completely ruined my birthday surprise for McHub, right?

Aah!! IA was already planning on taking McHub to that very same game as a surprise birthday present.

Sorry guys! We meant well!

I guess this whole socializing thing takes some practice!

Into the light again

2007-08-05T15:47:00.000-04:00

I found an old poem I forgot I had written.
--

the quality is poor,
shadowed in static
but with volume turned
all the way up
and ear pressed to speaker

i can hear once again
the rough grumble of my
father’s voice, chuckling
as my brother and i prodded
him into telling a joke
for the tape recorder.

eight years have glided by
and still his voice rings clear
in my head as if
he was still standing
right next to me.

11/6/2005

Wishes

2007-08-03T09:13:00.000-04:00

I have always wanted the universe to be different in one way or another. I remember when I was younger I wished that instead of eating food (which only made you fat!) you would just swallow a pill every day and that would give you the exact amount of nutrition you needed. Then for flavor, you would have flavor sprays that had no calories. So if I wanted creme brulee I would just pick up a can of creme brulee spray and much like Binaca, spray it in my mouth and taste creme brulee as much as I wanted, and never get fat. This was around the same time I wished chocolate was good for you in mass quantities, and broccoli was bad for you.

In junior high I remember painfully wishing for the power to freeze time - I imagined hitting a button on a remote control and everyone in my school would freeze in place, except me. And I could walk around and 'read' everyone's mind and know exactly what they were thinking.

Last night I wished for something I supposed I could actually achieve, given enough massages, stretches, perhaps a chiropractor - but I want the quick fix. I would love for there to be some sort of machine that zapped you and instantly all your muscles would relax and lengthen to the appropriate length. All muscle knots would disappear, all pressure would be gone. Then your skeletal structure could realign to where it was meant to be, and then your muscles would tighten back up ever so slightly, to have the exact tension needed to hold your body in place, but not create pressure points or tension knots, or anything like that. Basically, to be 4 again before stress and poor posture ruined my body.

Funny how wishes change.

Now he knows.

2007-08-02T15:30:00.000-04:00

When I first met Aaron, he had two types of outfits. Jeans and t-shirts for every day wear, and jeans and short sleeved polo shirts for work. Over time, his wardrobe has slowly been revamped. Nothing overly crazy, but he does own a few pairs of 'fancy' jeans, and some nicer shoes, he even layers a long sleeved button down shirt (unbuttoned) over a t-shirt now and again. Not often, but maybe twice a year.

He was told that he would need to wear a short sleeved button down shirt for his surgery since he would be in a sling and a button down was the easiest to put on. So, not owning any shirts of that nature, we went off to Kohl's to buy some. The entire time we were in there he was muttering things like, "I feel so gay. I hate short sleeve button down shirts. This sucks."

We found some not-so-offensive shirts and he tried them on. You could actually see his face change from thinking this sucks this is so gay this looks awful to hmmmm i like this color this shirt feels nice i LIKE this shirt. And we ended up buying a bunch. We even bought a hawaiian shirt, which he swore up and down he would never ever wear in his whole entire life. But the shirt was so soft and comfy, as we were in the checkout line he sent me back to go see if they had any more of the hawaiian shirts, in different colors. (No luck).

So, he's all excited about his button down shirts. He loves them. We were watching Scrubs the other night, and in one scene, Elliot and Cox's ex-wife are complementing the outfit Elliot's date was wearing. And what was he wearing? A short sleeve, button down shirt with khakis. Khakis!! Aaron had only ever worn them with shorts, up to this point.

So as we're watching the scene, Aaron says quietly, thoughtfully, reverentially, "I like that. I can wear my button downs with khakis."

And then there's a pause, he nods, and he says, almost to himself, "Now I know."

Restaurant Review: Ruby Tuesday's

2007-08-02T13:44:00.000-04:00

Whoa, wait! Where are you going?? I know, I know, Ruby Tuesday's. But hear me out!!

So I hadn't been to a Ruby Tuesday's since about 1994 when I visited my sister in college and all I really remember about it was that it seemed kind of run down and shady, and I think I had a long island ice tea. I could be making that last part up, though.

But every time that commercial for Ruby's came on with the mini burgers, Aaron would say, "I want those!" So last night when we were thinking of what to do for dinner since I didn't want to cook, I flashed back to those commercials. And there is a Ruby's about 3 minutes from our house. I checked out the menu online and it actually looked pretty good. So off we went.

When we first walked in, the floor was sticky. And the salad bar was right there. I hate salad bars, so I was kind of turned off by seeing it. I was ready to remain unimpressed. However when we looked at the menu, freaking everything looked good! Neither of us could decide what to get.

We started out with steamed chicken dumplings, or something like that. The peanut sauce was very good and the dumplings were alright, I thought they could have been crispier though. My strawberry lemonade was good, but not worth $4.

For entrees we both got burgers, but I was seriously tempted by a ton of dishes. Aaron had the bison bacon cheeseburger (with hot wing sauce on the side) and I had the smokehouse burger (cheese, bacon, bbq sauce). They were both amazing. I absolutely loved the bbq sauce on mine and was glad I ordered an extra side of it. The burger was more rare than the medium I requested, but I still loved it. The buns were both seemingly whole wheat, which really impressed us. Aaron's burger was really good too and the wing sauce very good and spicy. So obviously next time we will be getting wings! The fries were fresh, hot and delicious.

All in all, it was good. They had nice plates, too. A little more upscale than I was expecting. So after all these years avoiding it like the plague, I think we will be going back to Ruby's sometime soon! There is a little salmon dish I want to try....

A mixed bag

2007-08-01T21:49:00.000-04:00

Today has been an interesting day, emotionally. First, SYTYCD. By now everyone knows that I always tear up a little during the dances. Music gets me emotional, whatever, I don't know why I do but I do.

So you can imagine my reaction to the Mia Michael's dance with Neil and Lacey. I actually really like Mia, and I like her dances usually. She reminds me of Kelli a lot too, in the way she talks and her short blond hair. But anyway, her dances always touch me since they're usually about broken relationships or whatever. But when she started talking about how the dance was about two people reuniting in heaven, I started sniffling. Then when she said it was meant to be about her reuniting with her father (who passed away from cancer), I lost it. Understandably I guess, since my dad passed away from cancer. And I know we sure as hell wouldn't dance in heaven, we'd probably drink some tea and play a few rounds of cards - but you get the point.

I don't even know if I liked the dance or not (I think not because I hate Neil and I couldn't really read too much emotion from him or Lacey) but just the thought of what it was meant to be about broke me down. And poor Aaron hates seeing me upset, but I am lucky in that he can always comfort me no matter what is wrong. He always knows just what to do and say. Or not say.

Then after the show I got a beautiful email from an amazing friend saying that she was bawling during the dance, thinking of me and my dad. That really touched me (and I think we should be gushy friends sometimes! Maybe more than sometimes). It's so important to let people you care about know you care about them. So thanks for that lovely email.

Which brings me to what else I was thinking about the rest of the day - how it seems like I have dropped off the face of the earth to some people. Friends and family alike. I don't know what I did, or didn't do, but suddenly people have just started ignoring me. And that really hurts. I know lives are busy, people get stressed from work and finances and other things so you aren't always in the mood to pick up the phone or send an email. Believe me, I get it. But it's still really cold to read an email, and not respond. Especially when it's about my husband having surgery. And then to read another email, and not respond. I mean, my life can get busy and stressed, but if anyone I knew was about to go under the knife, I would be on the phone or sending an email or at least checking to see if they're still alive. I know I need to stop harping on the surgery thing but it's just to make the point that I'm not emailing a bunch of pointless small talk that doesn't warrant an immediate response.

I just don't understand how you can cut someone out of your life with no explanation and no reason.

So in light of those thoughts running around my head, getting an unexpected email from someone actually happy to know me and have me in their life was an incredible feeling. Certainly takes some of the sting away!

It's been a rollercoaster type of day.

--

And now the bridge collapse, which I can't even really process right now, since it's so horrific. I'm still in shock.

Book Review: Timeline by Michael Crichton

2007-07-31T18:30:00.000-04:00

I have never been a Michael Crichton fan. I think I read one of his books in high school and wasn't impressed, and never went back for more. I have heard that he can be hit or miss, so I just never bothered gambling on that, I guess.

Aaron, however, loved this book and has read it a few times, he says (and it came out in 2006 so that says something!). Now, Aaron loves anything having to do with time travel, whereas I am not quite as enthralled. It's just so stressful - will they get back? Will they change the past? Will they see themselves in the past and therefore destroy life as we know it?!?

I do love all things medieval (as does Aaron), so I decided to give this book a try. And I'm glad I did! I loved it!

It's about these students (and a professor) who go back in time to 14th century France, and get embroiled in a battle. It had a lot of gibberish about quantum mechanics (and this makes no less than 4 books I have read in the past 3 months having to do with quantum mechanics, and I don't know how that keeps happening) which I actually enjoyed, since I like learning, but then you don't know how accurate Crichton is being, and I'm too lazy to research quantum physics on my own, so I just assume it's true and think it's neat. And apparently all the authors used the same researchers, since they all pretty much agreed with each other, so who knows? Maybe I just learned a little something about quantum physics!! Or should I say I know something and I don't know something at the same time! Err wait, does that only hold true if I'm inside a box? And a cat?

Well, it's confusing stuff.

Moving on, I loved all the medieval stuff - that is the one period in time I have always wanted to live in. Although after reading the book, I'm not actually sure I would want to do that anymore....

Anyway, it's a fantastic book and I'll definitely be reading it again!

Inside my head

2007-07-31T09:03:00.000-04:00

It has come to my attention that not everyone thinks the way I think. Some people tend toward the optimistic side of things, and others to the pessimistic. I think I veer way off the deep end of the pessimistic side of things.

I think part of it is due to my OCD tendencies as well, since I can't seem to stop thinking about terrible things happening.

For example.

After Aaron's surgery, I went in to the recovery room to see him, and I had my computer bag with me. I put the bag down, gingerly gave him a kiss and sat down to wait for the doctor.

Now, whenever I think back on this moment, this is how it happens in my head. I walk into the recovery room and see him sitting there, a little drugged out. Then instead of putting my bag down, I trip over the chair and land on his recently cut open arm, yanking the sling away from his body. You can hear the rip of the sutures and him screaming out in pain.

I have to literally shake my head (not unlike an etch-a-sketch) to make this visual go away. I have to tell myself, firmly "That's not how it happened! You were fine, he is fine, it's all good."

And I'm like this with pretty much any memory. Or thinking about future events, like if I'm going to visit someone with a baby and I think about holding the baby. And then dropping the baby. Or I think about my commute to work and I imagine myself being pushed in front of the train. Or whatever.

This is another reason I can't watch horror movies. Or other scary movies. It gives me too many visuals to choose from. After I watched Saw it took me a few months before I stopped seeing all the crime scenes in my head and thinking about what it would be like if I (or a loved one) were trapped in that situation.

So apparently I'm alone in this, yes?

The only way I have found to fight this so far is to try to replace the terrible thoughts with soothing ones. I try to create the scene in my head where I'm snuggling with Aaron, his arms wrapped around me (pre-sling, of course), my head is on his chest and his warmth is seeping into me. I focus on that vigorously, until the other thoughts go away.

It's a constant, tiring struggle, though.

It makes you think.

2007-07-30T09:46:00.001-04:00

The one nice thing that has come out of Aaron's surgery is seeing the true kindness of our friends shine through. I guess to most people his surgery was 'no big deal' or whatever. But to me, it was a huge deal. Having your lungs paralyzed to the point of collapse and having a machine breathe for you - for two hours - sort of freaks me out. And knowing that the love of my life was in that situation, where his shoulder was being worked on - right next to some major arteries, that had they been nicked during the course of the operation, could have had fatal consequences - yeah, I was not thrilled with the thought of that. I was a nervous wreck before and during the surgery. And having the comfort and support of friends during that time was crucial to me.

And then there's the reality for him - a month in a very constrictive, hot, uncomfortable sling. He has to wear athletic shorts if I'm not around since it's impossible to button his shorts by himself. He can't even open his medicine himself. Then there's the fact that he can't do any of the things he loves to do - go to the gym, play golf, snowboard, basically anything physical - for 6 months. And for someone who's always active? That's killer. Plus it's not even certain he will ever regain full range of motion in his arm. (I think he will, but it's not a guarantee).

So, with all that heavy reality hitting us, it meant so much to get a phone call the night before surgery from some friends wishing him good luck. And to have other friends offer to come over with a pizza and keep us company. Or have other friends bring over a care package to lift his spirits, and hang out with us all night. And constantly check to see how 'the patient' is doing. In short, to actually care.

It makes you realize how lucky we are to have such wonderful people in our lives.

It also makes a stark, shocking contrast to the people who haven't shown one ounce of concern. Or caring. And not just friends - both mine and Aaron's. But family members!

People I know on the internet who haven't even met Aaron, and only know him through me and only know me through a message board, have expressed concern, caring, well wishes, etc - and our own family hasn't even thought to check in and see how he's doing.

It really makes you take stock of who you need in your life.

And who you don't.